Words matter

You aren’t qualified to teach this class.

It was 3 weeks into my first semester teaching at UW-Madison, and I struggled to process the MBA student’s words over the sound of the universe cracking inside my head. 

Okay, maybe that’s overly dramatic, but it was a seriously unsettling encounter, and it didn’t stop there. This outrageous accusation was followed by an equally outrageous threat. See Chapter 9 of Well on Your Way if you want the gory details. 

As I reflect on this experience today, what troubles me most isn’t the student’s behavior, but rather the realization that I routinely do the same thing to myself. Sure, the precise words vary—my favorite rendition seems to be you have no idea what you’re doing—but the upshot is the same. And so is the damage. 

How often do you say things like that to yourself? Weekly? Daily? Hourly? Oftentimes, it’s such a natural part of our inner dialogue that we don’t even realize it. And that’s a problem.

So given our goal of releasing things that hold us back and amplifying things that help us shine, let's explore how we might harness the power of our self-talk for good rather than evil.

First, let’s focus on increasing our awareness of the way we speak to ourselves. Without that, we have no hope of changing anything. The trick is to notice without layering on even more negative judgment. STOP, the simple technique I shared in a recent newsletter, can be a big help.

Second, how about getting creative and curious about that harsh self-talk? There are many ways to do this, including chatting with our inner critic. No matter how we approach it, the key is to stop believing everything we think. 

Finally, we can flip the script, upgrading our self-talk. Maybe we'd benefit from an inner caring committee or from adopting a kinder, gentler tone. And who can't use a friend?

For a deeper dive into the steps outlined above, please check out my free mini-course on self-talk and stress management.

And I can't think of a better path to developing all of these skills than Compassion-Based Resilience Training with my dear friend and colleague Victoria Fontana. I've been through the course twice, and it's always immensely valuable. She's starting a new session on November 14th, and my subscribers can save 30% on registration fees with the code CBRTFRIENDS30. Just put my name in the "Where did you hear about this course?" field.

So there we are. With all these ways to improve our inner dialogue, we have no more excuses, right?

Before I close, may I ask for a favor? If you found this to be of value, could you please forward it to a few people who might benefit and encourage them to subscribe?

As always, thanks for being here, and thanks for being you.

Take good care,
 
Elizabeth Odders-White