Words still matter

Preserved
There was a camera.
Wasn’t there always? How else
to enshrine her faults?
(Well on Your Way chapter 5, p. 40)

Hello friend,

I need your input: Is it okay to use the word "crappy” in a professional context? Seriously, I’ve been obsessing over this question for the past 10 days. 

A little backstory. Last Monday, I was having a rough time. One might even describe my mental state as crappy. My inner critic was on a tear and I could not break free. Then something remarkable happened, and I wanted to share it. So I posted on LinkedIn, with the opening phrase “I was feeling completely crappy...”

You may have already gleaned that "crappy" is not a word I’d typically use on LinkedIn. I did try to come up with alternatives, but they all felt watered down and insincere. So I stuck with "crappy" and hit post. (Omg, how many times can I say “crappy” in this email?)

Since then, I’ve been consumed by worry that people will dismiss me as crass and unprofessional. I’ve considered editing the post about 18 times and repeatedly decided to let it stand, though not without serious angst. (Obviously.)

The ruminating has been exhausting. 

So I’d like to continue our discussion of self-talk. To be honest, it’s a tool I haven’t been using to full effect lately, and clients have been expressing the same. In hopes of releasing what holds us back and amplifying things that help us shine, let’s get right to it. 

First, I’d like to return to the fundamental idea that we needn’t believe everything we think. This can be a game changer. It allows us to get curious about our limiting beliefs or other unhelpful thoughts, and we can learn so much in the process. I share concrete ways of wiggling our thoughts in this blog post and this short video.

Second, I want to be clear that there is a difference between questioning our thoughts and censoring anything that's negative. As Gabor Maté explains in When the Body Says No, "Genuine positive thinking begins by including all our reality. It is guided by the confidence that we can trust ourselves to face the full truth, whatever that full truth may turn out to be… It is a willingness to consider what is not working. What is not in balance? What have [we] ignored?” (p. 244). In other words, sometimes that negative voice has something valuable to share, even if the message isn’t delivered skillfully, and we can learn something by getting curious.

Finally, how about trying self-distancing? If you'd like a deeper dive after watching the linked video, this article by Kross and Ayduk may be of interest. And have you taken a self-compassion break recently? An extensive and growing body of research documents the benefits of self-compassion practices.

That’s all for now. I hope you’re finding these messages helpful. Please reach out if you have any questions or ideas to share.

Thanks for being here, and thanks especially for being you!

Until next time,
 
Elizabeth Odders-White