Coming up for air

Dear friend,

The world can be a difficult place. 

I wish I had words that could end suffering and trauma. I don’t. 

The best I can come up with at the moment is to share this guidance from the title of Chapter 9 of Well in the Lead (WITL): You need to come up for air. 

Suzanne Dove and I acknowledge that this can be easier said than done.
For many of us, taking time to refuel is challenging. For some, it feels almost impossible. There’s so much to be done, so many people counting on us; it’s easy to consistently put ourselves at the bottom of the list. It may even feel selfish to make our own well-being a priority. And yet, failing to do so can have disastrous consequences.
(WITL chapter 9, p. 100)

Though “disastrous” may seem dramatic, I don’t think it’s an overstatement. I’m sure we’ve all seen how things can go terribly wrong when we aren’t caring for ourselves physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. This is especially true during times of extreme stress, when our need for a clear head and open heart is even greater.

Still, it can be incredibly difficult to live this out. The cultural current we’re swimming against is relentless. 

So what can we do?

First, let’s give ourselves grace. On a practical level, grace offers a reprieve from the constant slew of demands, providing space to focus on our own needs. Mentally, grace is a kinder, gentler response to the inner voice that screams when we don’t knock everything off our massive to-do lists because we prioritized our own well-being.

Second, let’s permanently dispense with the idea that self-care is selfish. I can give you a million metaphors: Put on your own oxygen mask first! Would you want to be operated on by a surgeon who hasn’t slept in days? The key is to recognize that we aren’t serving anyone by running ourselves into the ground, so refusing to make time for self-care is actually the selfish choice.

Finally, let’s get clear about what self-care truly means. Psychiatrist Pooja Lakshmin distinguishes what she calls “faux self-care,” focused on superficial fixes, from real self-care. Real self-care involves inner work like getting clear on our values, setting boundaries, remembering where we have agency, and treating ourselves with kindness.

It would be wonderful to hear how you plan to come up for air in the next couple of weeks, so please reach out to let me know. 

Once again, thanks for being here, and thanks so much for being you.

Take good care,
 
Elizabeth Odders-White